Woman’s right to choose?

At this NYC OB-GYN, she can choose any birth control, because that’s literally the only solution offered

Upper West Side — When 29-year-old Manhattanite Elena C. walked into her OBGYN’s office last week complaining of recurring migraines, fatigue, and a general sense of doom, she expected a few follow-up questions. Maybe a blood test. Perhaps even eye contact.

Instead, she left with NuvaRing.

“I said I was tired,” Elena told Tawk of New Yawk. “She said, ‘Let’s get you on the pill.’ I asked if that would help with my exhaustion and she said, ‘No, but it’s a start.’”

At Lenox Women’s Health & Spa, located above a Pinkberry and next to a Pilates studio where Gwyneth Paltrow once allegedly blinked, patients are offered true medical freedom: they can choose from over 9 types of hormonal birth control, each with its own unique ability to not treat the actual problem.

“Crippling cramps? Anxiety? Existential dread from capitalism’s chokehold? We believe in empowering women with choices,” said Dr. Sandra Bell, who has not blinked since 2004 and refers to all patients as “mama.”

“Here at Lenox, you can choose from the pill, the patch, the ring, the shot, or this one weird copper thing we shove up there with no warning,” she added. “We call it reproductive justice.”

Even more empowering? Every birth control prescription comes with a complimentary pamphlet entitled “Have You Tried Yoga?” and a coupon for 15% off moonstone-infused vaginal steams.

When asked what women with actual medical conditions should do, Dr. Bell paused. “Well… maybe see a neurologist. Or just switch to a different brand of the pill. We’ve got thirty.”

Meanwhile, Elena has started to journal, cry into an oat milk latte, and rewatch Fleabag. She still gets migraines. But at least she won’t get pregnant.