1997 The Worst Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Ever: The Year the Cat in the Hat Tried to Kill a Woman

Thanksgiving is a well-loved tradition. The Macy’s Parade sits proudly alongside god-awful early Turkey Trots, family arguments over table placement and turkey temperature, that slightly racist uncle who drinks too much, the other uncle who snores on the recliner after dinner, questionably aged canned cranberry sauce, and football.

First held in 1924 and delighting crowds for a full century, the parade is the largest and second-oldest in the world. It’s known for its six-story-tall helium balloon replicas of beloved cartoon and pop-culture icons—titans that sail through the streets of Manhattan every Thanksgiving morning. Characters have included Kermit the Frog, Ronald McDonald, Mickey Mouse, Hello Kitty, Raggedy Ann, Spider-Man, and Arthur, among many others. Sure, floats are there too, but they’re mostly accouterments to the behemoths above.

Everyone has an opinion about the parade. Some love it. Some despise it. Some cheer on the lifeless giants as if they’ve just completed the marathon. Others avoid the parade the same way they avoid a suspiciously empty subway car with a very suspicious smell.

Regardless, across the nation, people tune in to this Thanksgiving staple. And why not? It’s a harmless celebration of turkey, family, capitalism, and good old-fashioned holiday spectacle.

Except when it’s not.

Chaos at 72nd Street.
Cat in the Hat on a violent spree.
One woman in a coma.

It’s Thanksgiving morning, 1997. Friends has just aired “The One with Chandler in a Box,” where (surprise!) Chandler spends the holiday trapped in a wooden crate. The year had already been historic—Princess Diana had died. We needed this parade to soothe our grief-stricken souls. (Well, the adults did. I was six, far more preoccupied with keeping my baby sister’s drool-covered hands off my toys.)

Unfortunately, fate had other plans. The 1997 Macy’s Parade would go down in history—and infamy—as the worst ever.

A GOD DAMN DISASTER

The parade kicked off near Central Park West and 77th Street. Unlike some unforgivingly bitter years, Thanksgiving 1997 was in the 50s and sunny. One might even call it pleasant—if not for the gale-force winds ripping through the avenues. The night before, Sonic the Hedgehog met his tragic demise, decapitated by the wind. He did not live to see the parade.

Rather than cancel the affair, organizers pressed on. Their solution: slightly deflate the balloons. Tragically, it would not be enough to prevent the impending carnage.

The winds would annihilate the balloons.

That morning, an estimated two million people gathered to enjoy the parade, blissfully unaware of the massacre to come. What began with excitement would end in horror. The winds did not let up. They tore down the avenues, sending balloons careening wildly above the floats.

The New York Times reported the next morning:

“At times, the balloons were not gliding but instead were careering as their handlers on the ground struggled to keep control in winds that reached as high as 43 miles an hour. For a while, the balloons seemed to be falling like flies. Barney suffered extensive damage and had to be removed at 51st Street. The Pink Panther succumbed at 42nd Street. Quik Bunny and the Cat in the Hat limped away at 36th Street.”

It was pure chaos.

ABC’s Eyewitness News captured exclusive footage of a 59-foot Cat in the Hat nose-diving into a lamppost and sending the pole hurtling into the screaming crowd. Handlers did their best, but the Cat prevailed in its violent rampage. The severed lamppost injured four bystanders, leaving one woman—Kathy Caronna—in critical condition. She suffered a near-fatal head injury that left her in a coma for a month.

Caronna later filed a $395 million lawsuit against the city, eventually settling for an undisclosed amount. Had it gone to trial, it might have rivaled the O.J. Simpson saga for media spectacle.

THE TRUE ORIGINS OF MILLENNIAL TRAUMA

The Cat in the Hat wasn’t the only casualty that day. Barney suffered a similar fate. He, too, was sent flying into a lamppost, which tore straight through his delicate purple hide. His impalement — and subsequent disintegration — was met with a chorus of cheers and boos from the crowd, revealing his mixed reception among the general public. NYPD officers had to repeatedly stab the balloon, hastening his demise, in an attempt to prevent yet another “Cat”-astrophe. (Too soon? Never.)

Watching Barney (regardless of how you felt about the purple dinosaur) die on national television might very well be the root of Millennial Trauma. Enough of us seem convinced. The video below shows the full scale of the tragedy:

And the chaos didn’t stop there. According to the Macy’s Parade Wiki (a perfectly reliable source for balloon carnage), the following incidents also occurred:

• Arthur’s balloon lost its left arm to Central Park trees; its left ear later deflated on a billboard near 42nd Street.
• Pilgrim Man’s hat blew off in the wind.
• Garfield’s tail deflated overnight, and his back right paw took damage.
• The Pink Panther experienced turbulence before being ripped open by a traffic light at 42nd Street. NYPD stabbed it into submission.
• Quik Bunny lost an ear to Central Park trees and then snagged its hat on a Times Square light pole. Shredded pieces remained wrapped around the pole as it was removed at 36th Street.
• Spider-Man scraped buildings and trees, finishing the parade with deflated hands and feet but — miraculously — alive.
• Bumpé lost his “front toenails” to foliage and later tore his balloon butt open on a fence in Times Square.
• The dad on the Snow Family Holiday float lost his head at 44th Street. Literally.
• Eben Bear and Petula Pig were pulled at 77th Street as a precaution after the Cat incident.
• Paddington Bear collapsed near 50th Street but managed to pull himself upright again (a true hero).
• The “C” alphabet balloon, Cloe the Holiday Clown, a Flower Ornament, a Pennsylvania Dutch Ornament, and several Ice Stars were removed along the route for unspecified reasons — likely humiliation.

When all was said and done, 1997 became cemented in history as the worst Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade ever. Let’s hope it stays that way — because if anything happens to Bluey, another generation will be lost to needless suffering.