Modern Warrior’s Behind The Lines: A 9/11 Story
At the Sheen Center, the story of 9/11 is told not through actors, but by the men who lived it.
This story may be triggering for anyone who lost loved ones or experienced firsthand the events of September 11, 2001.
Commemorating the 25th anniversary of 9/11, Modern Warrior has created a moving and immersive production that uses live music and storytelling to illustrate the strength and trauma that link two men: Bill Spade of the FDNY and U.S. Army veteran Jaymes Poling. Brought together by the events of that day and the war that followed, they relive their experiences onstage, connected by the tragedy, their service, and the weight they have carried every day since.
Created by jazz musician Dominick Farinacci and veteran Jaymes Poling as a way of honoring the victims of 9/11, Modern Warrior strives to connect military veterans with mental health organizations and draw attention to the important resources available across America. Their goal is to tour the piece to more than 30 cities across the U.S. and produce a documentary to illuminate the veteran experience. I had the opportunity to witness the very first performance, directed by Emmett Murphy, at the Sheen Center in NYC.
Before the performance began, Dominick introduced us to the two stars: “Bill and Jaymes are everyday heroes who were called upon and stepped up.” He shared that the creation of the show has been an eight-year process. “What I heard from Jaymes is this timeless story of humanity, and how you go through these difficult experiences, and how these experiences shape your life.” They chose to tell these stories not through actors, but through the real people who lived them, in their own words. It was both fascinating and devastating to hear each man recount the events of that fateful day in 2001.
Bill Spade is a true New Yorker and the sole survivor of Rescue Company 5. It had always been his dream to join the New York City Fire Department. In 1984, he was sworn in as an NYPD officer, serving for two years before joining the FDNY. He worked as a firefighter in downtown Manhattan for nearly six years before transferring to the elite Rescue 5 in his home borough of Staten Island. On September 11, 2001, he responded to the World Trade Center and helped evacuate people via Stair C of the North Tower. The eleven other members of his company were all killed, along with 343 other firefighters across NYC. His uncle Joe was one of the 44 passengers and crew members killed when Flight 93 crashed in Pennsylvania. Bill still wrestles with survivor’s guilt. His story was haunting and powerful. “It was the worst day of my entire life.”
From the other side of the stage, we heard a different perspective: that of a U.S. Army veteran. Originally from Ohio, Jaymes Poling spent eight years as an infantryman and machine gunner at Fort Bragg. He enlisted at 17 years old following the events of 9/11 and served three tours in Afghanistan in active combat with the 82nd Airborne.
Jaymes’ portion of the performance illustrated the stigma surrounding veterans and how they are viewed by the public, as well as how they often judge themselves, unwilling to show that they are struggling. “Why is someone who survived cancer considered strong, while someone who survived war is considered damaged?” He described how, once back home, he chased anything that would make him feel something, even briefly: expensive cars, alcohol, violence. He said everyone handles trauma differently, “whether we hold our loved ones tighter or push them away to conceal our pain.”
Jaymes explained that those who want to fight for their country, though admirable, often grow to regret it. His relationships suffered. He battled PTSD. His best friend died in combat. After leaving the army, he was still confronted with war memories and isolation. “I wonder how many fathers I’ve killed, and if their kids will grow up to hate America. I wonder how many people I killed who were forced to fight.” Perpetuating the cycle. Jaymes said he didn’t know who he was without the violence of war and would often start fights for no reason. Speaking to someone at the VA helped him face his mental health struggles and begin moving forward.
While several musical interludes, meant to represent their inner voices, were met with applause, most of the performance was received in reverential silence. It was the only fitting way to show respect.
Bill described how, in the weeks following the attacks, help was provided for victims and their families, but not for injured first responders. “It felt like the city left me to fend for myself.” Bill didn’t just breathe in asbestos from the debris of the Twin Towers; he swallowed it. For years afterward, he believed it was only a matter of time before cancer took him, as it had so many others. And he was one of the lucky ones. “Thirty kids from my firehouse are now without a father.” Everyday experiences began to trigger him: planes flying overhead, overcrowded elevators, traffic, even his young son’s tantrums. He would panic. But a Red Cross counselor gave him strategies to manage his mental health, and eventually he began laughing and smiling again. “Having a life-threatening experience makes me appreciate life even more now. I’m so lucky to have been given a second chance.”
So many of the moments Bill and Jaymes shared were horrifying and heartbreaking. I cried through much of the performance, listening to their pain. The images stayed with me for days. They are both true heroes who did what they could to defend America and its citizens. While I would not wish their trauma on anyone, I believe it is important that we bear witness to their stories, learn from them, and strive to prevent such suffering in the future. May the memory of the victims never be forgotten, and may we learn how to better support those who survive.
The original production reached more than 10,000 veterans and 30,000 civilians nationwide. “Seventy-five percent of people who see these shows are more likely to take the first step toward receiving help for their mental health.”
While their stories alone are deeply affecting and represent the lived experience of thousands of veterans and first responders, they also resonate in a new way now that the U.S. has entered another conflict. September 11 was the worst attack on American soil since Pearl Harbor. Nearly 3,000 people lost their lives. But what have we learned? If it is not acceptable on our own soil, why is it acceptable on another’s?
2,700 people died that day, but more than 15,000 made it out alive thanks to warriors like Bill.
“If I had to do it all over again, I would. Because even one life saved is worth it.” — Bill Spade
Thank you all for your service.
You can donate to Modern Warrior’s mission at www.modernwarriorlive.org/donate-2
